The Delete Default: A Letter to the Bitter

Published: June 11, 2019

Revised:

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Forgive and forget. These two ideas seem synonymous in our current day and age. We forgive those who talk about us in their separate group chats, despite our instant urge to block their number. We choose to forget how their glares in the bathroom before the bell rang made us feel worthless. Constantly setting aside how the whispers were shouted in our ears in a giant game of telephone that no one asked to play.

And so the cycle continues: We forgive those who hurt us, so they forget our wrongs against them.

This idea of “to forgive is to forget is to do right by others” is challenged by another up and coming idea of our age, that being the delete default. What is this delete default, you might ask? This is our generation’s way of ending all communication and contact with those who do wrong with the simple click of a “block” button. With this tool at our fingertips, why do we still allow those who hurt our mental and physical well-being to be in our lives, even if their presence is simply a number next to “followers”, or old “tagged” picture on our page?

“Because that’s how a good person acts” says my grandfather. He claims that no matter how a person acts towards us, it is how we act and react that matters. However, I begged to differ two days ago when this initial conversation of “to block or to forgive” came about. Long story short, my ex-boyfriend has recently, and increasingly, been talking about me. It was after our second conversation about his actions, immediately followed by more comments, that I blocked him entirely.

It was in that moment, that single action of “click”, that I did the one thing I thought I never would do. I waited so long because, up until then, I had chosen to see the good, remember the fun, forgive the bad, and forget the action done against me. Until then, I wanted to believe he could change, that the taunting would stop, and the past could be forgotten.

But you can’t forget the past.

But is my grandfather right? Is it more about how we act that matters, even if our reaction is fake and ends up continuing to harm us? Or was I right? Did blocking him allow for a sour spot of my past to be deleted and a sweet future to be started?

Either way, I know this for sure: to live a healthy life is to forgive the person but never forget the action. When we carry around hate for those who have done us wrong, we hurt ourselves by bringing that into our daily lives. Simultaneously, we allow our future selves to be protected from that same pain by remembering what was done. So yes, I do forgive him, and all others who have hurt me. But I don’t forget their actions. Because no matter which button I click, whether that be to block the user or to like their picture, what they have done with me and to me in the past has made me who I am today. They have touched my life, and that is something no one should ever want to delete.