When Tomorrow Comes: A Goodbye to My SEN19RS

Published: August 6, 2019

Revised:

"When tomorrow comes, I'll be on my own, feeling frightened of the things that I don't know. When tomorrow comes..." - Flashlight by Jessie J

For those of you who know me well, or even hardly know me at all, you have heard me say in the past twelve months, "I would move in tomorrow if they would let me!", referring to my whole-hearted desire to be in college that very instant. Those words have rung true every time they've been uttered, I truly would move in tomorrow... but what happens when tomorrow is tomorrow?

This is a moment every living being large or small must go through: leaving the nest. Unlike a small bird when it leaves its nest, I won't be gone forever, but I won't be back soon either. It's a hard feeling to express; one of being in a moment knowing it's not the last, but understanding the last time it will be exactly as it is. A moment like where you're sitting on your porch swing, an action done almost daily, listening to the chimes of the church bells at the school you've known since you were 5, while watching your dog drift into a peaceful slumber as the kids on bikes go by. It is then, in that very inhale, you realize that tomorrow you won't be here to hear the bells ring or to feel the sun's warming rays on your neck. You won't hear the old pup snore, or the bees buzz, or the neighbors laugh, or ever see the world as you do now from this quaint spot on the porch.

For every young man or woman my age, we are each having this moment. Perhaps not this exact reenactment, but one that evokes raw emotions such as these. A point where we each pause and come to see that our normal won't ever be the same.

Despite efforts to recreate what we have today, we are each about to embark on a journey that will change us; one where we will be allowed to grow as our own person. A new adventure in our life that will bring us home to this well-known place that, most commonly, doesn't change, yet will still appear or feel different, due to our own personal change.

And that change is hard. Change is hard. Yet change is the only constant in our world. Nothing ever stays the same, or, if it does, we in turn are the ones who change.

As I sit here, recalling my personal moment of realization that tomorrow is tomorrow, I await an ability to express how I feel. The current amount of pure human emotion swarming within me is unfathomable. How can we feel so much, yet know how to feel so little.

I feel at peace, knowing that what will be will be. I almost shake with excitement for the newness that awaits me 382 miles away. I lay here sleepless with fear, one that makes my stomach feel in knots and my knees knock from the unknown that lays before me. Yet, I don't know what I should feel or how I could sum up my emotions in one, coherent way.

I am ready, but I am not. I over the moon, but tears fill my eyes. I am physically packed, but mentally scattered.

But now, I turn to the song which was quoted at the top of this post. This song got me through my senior year. I don't know what awaits before me, but I must trust that I have the tools I need to find my way. I guess I have to trust what I have told myself, friends, family, strangers, for nearly a year, "I would move in tomorrow". Except now, I say, "I move into today, and I am ready for whatever life throws my way!"

Thank you Nashville, family, friends, and strangers, for preparing me for this. Love y'all endlessly

xo,

Kate